One thing heard, and another said

Smt. 420: is it just me, or all my notes rebelling against me?
i have seem to lost 2 of them..n i hate to find for stuff..:s
brb

me: I lose notes too
can't find the right one
and it's damn annoying

Smt. 420: got them ..phew...

me: damn you
I just get stuck
searching
till I hit the right one

Smt. 420: listen i lost my notebook last week..
i had all my notes proper for once...

me: I can't play the tunes that are in my head
my loss is bigger than yours

Smt. 420: everyone wanted copies of it n what not..
i had to photocopy someone elses book...depressing that was
one note book i managed to maintain n i lose it :P

me: lol
have you not noticed?
I have been punning all this time

Smt. 420: as in?

me: read everything I said about notes again

Smt. 420: oh my gawd...

PS: There will be more posts about the lore of Smt. 420. Later.

Tipping my hat to David Caruso

(Joke was mine. Just thought of doing it with the Caruso Meme. Sorry)

Self help

I saddens me greatly that there are people in this world who have read self help books, or spiritual types of books, and not read The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. Everyone knows that H2G2 has the biggest self help gyaan in the galaxy - 'Don't Panic' (in large, friendly letters, no less). What greater spiritual meaning can there be than 42, the answer to life, the universe and everything?

If you are a member of this group of people, please, please, remedy the situation by reading H2G2 as soon as possible. It's the best self help you could possibly get!

All wrong!

I was searching google for the term 'books'. Google's collection of Related Searches includes 'Twilight books'.

This is wrong! Books and twilight are not related, except by the loosest definition of the word book.

Owned!

Cutting sarcasm is a way of life. Circuitous speech is the only way I can talk any more. It's almost like I've forgotten how to talk 'normally'. The only rule is that if you're going dish it out, you should also be willing to take it in spirit.

I'm sitting in the car with my mum, she's driving. It's drizzling, and a film of mist begins to develop on the windscreen. She turns on the air conditioner to get rid of that mist. A few minutes later, the mist begins to develop again.

Me: You should turn up the AC, that should fix it.
Mum: The mist is on the outside, not the inside.
Me: Yeah, right. Just turn up the AC, you'll see.
Mum:

Then she flicks the wiper switch, and the mist gets cleaned up in one swipe of the wiper blades.

Now I'm silenced. Well play, mum!

It must be true...

if Einstein says so...

Weapon of mass STFU

Are you,
tired of windows fanboys screaming that windows is stable?
tired of linux fanboys screaming that linux is stabler?
tired of linux fanboys screaming that their OS is near impossible to break?

Do you just want them to STFU?The diligent folks working at Engineers - Very Insidious Ltd (E-VIL) have come up with just the product for you! We present for you, the Destructo Drive. Masterminded by the head of E-VIL, Dr. S.H. Ravan himself, this innocent looking usb drive guarantees a system crash on any OS.

Innocent looking Drive

Just plug it in, and get ready for the fanboys to be annihilated.

Destroyer of Worlds

Cake as a metophor for life

Just the other day, I was talking to VRD, and ended up saying that cake is a metaphor for life. It was said in jest, but come to think of it, it is true. This is because cake, like life, can be bitter, sweet, dry, awesome, horrible, cheesy, hard etc.

Like life, cake has a lot of variety. Cakes can be confusing, astounding, magnificent or boring.

Most importantly, like life...

... the cake is a lie!

Reassuring - I

I'm heading home from Manmad. It's 1 AM, the train is almost two hours late. After waiting for a bit at the station, the train finally arrives. I pick up the bags and board the train. S-6 looks more like a 'General' coach, with people sleeping in the aisles. I finally get to my berth - it's a middle berth. The berth is set into place, and I'm about to lie down. I suddenly notice that one of the chains holding up the berth is not taut. The entire berth is being supported by only one chain.

It makes me a little uneasy, but since there's nothing I can do, I try to sleep. The uneasiness just won't go. I keep wondering, will a single chain safely hold up my weight? The uneasiness gives way to calculation...

Approximate oval chain links as rectangular chain links (Since I've never been able to calculate stresses in curved members with a calculator, and certainly wasn't going to succeed with mental math)
Therefore, the links can fail in shear.
Yeild Strength of Mild Steel - Approximately 200 MPa (Close enough)

Shear strength is taken to be half of the Tensile Strength - 100 MPa

Diameter of chain links - 5 mm (Measured by 'looking')

Cross sectional area - (Pi/4)*5*5 = approx 20 sq. mm (actually 19.63)

Load on chain links - 90Kg x 9.8 = approx 900N(My weight + weight of berth)

Shear stress on any chain link - 900/20 = 45MPa

Permissible Shear Stress - 100 MPa

Conclusion : The berth will not fall, even though only one chain is holding it up.

Reassured, I sleep.

For a few moments...

... Matt Prior became the coolest cricketer in the world!

Pity the fool

Of Embarrassing Things Heard and Read...

After a long series of posts devoid of any new characters or embarrassing stories, GreySith returns with more tales that will make you laugh (or cringe). So, here are our principal characters:
GreySith
Enthu
M (for lack of a better name)
Poo
and quickGan, in a guest appearance

The scene:
We're waiting for a bunch of people to finish writing articles that might get them entry into the college magazine. There's a topic still to be announced, and M, Poo, Enthu and I are discussing what that topic should be...
M walks off for a bit to answer a phone call or something...
Enthu: I have a great idea - scent of a woman!
Poo: (strange expression)
Me: Yes, but what do you want the women to write?
Poo: (little grin) section 377...
Enthu: Yeah man!
Me: Come on...
M returns at this point of time
M: So do we have a topic?
Enthu: Ye..ah
M: ?
Me: Enthu, let's not go there. Do you want me to tell her about the other topic you had in mind?
Enthu: No...!
Me: You want to go home nah?
Enthu: Err yeah...
M: (misunderstanding the situation) WHAT? You had 'Do you want to go home' as a topic? That's soo seedy. What a horrid pick-up line!
Enthu: No no no...
Me: No, No. I'll tell you
Enthu: NO! I'll start narrating embarrassing things you said...
Me: It was 'Women are like cell phones- as long as you press the right buttons, you'll be happy, but you press the wrong button, and you're disconnected'
M: (WTF expression on her face)
Poo: (laughing)
Me: Besides, what's the worst you could come up with... the GE silicon thing...
Enthu: Hell yeah!
Me: I'll tell them anyway... So I was in a student meeting, explaining how we sealed a particular joint... and we had used this chemical called GE silicon. I kinda forgot the name at the instant I was supposed to say it. I remembered that it was two letters... some two letters. I ended up saying 'KY'. (both the girls burst into laughter) I did correct it though...
Enthu: Yeah I remember that one... There were all these impressionable juniors, and they were noting down what he was saying. And he said 'KY gel', not just KY.
Everyone was laughing at that point.

Cut to a little later, when quickGan makes an appearance. We've just got all the entries and we're looking at them.
M: Look, there's a guy with an email id like tush.something@something.com
Enthu: Jaane do... strange ids people come up with.
M: Imagine how weird it would sound to tell someone that id.
Enthu: Never mind that, someone is going to tell him 'duude you've got a tush in your email'
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Enthu: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
quickGan: I sorta missed the joke, what's going on?
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Enthu: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
quickGan: Arre explain the joke nah...
M: You know we're looking like retards with you two laughing like that...
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Enthu: HAHAHAHA... (looks at Poo and M) Look at them, they're completely stoned... HAHAHAHAHA
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA... my stomach hurts...
M: (probably disturbed by the sight of two guys laughing their guts out) Come on, we've got to go...
quickGan: (still confused) but why are you laughing so hard?
Poo: Stop already...
Me: Hahahahahaha
Enthu: Hahahahahahaha... 'you've got a... tush in your email...' hahahahahahaha

I have no idea how long we kept the (somewhat) annoyed M, confused quickGan and Poo waiting. But that was the hardest laugh I've had in long time. I hope you did too!

When Curses are Blessings

Some of you may know, that we have a new Baba. Abba is passe. Make way for,
*drumroll*
The lord of the universe,
The protector of the innocent,
The decimator of the pseudo-scientists,
The instigator of scientific thought,
The sampler of the delicate rose,
The photographer of the beetle,
The Rose-Beetle Baba, VRD!

So you should guess why he cursed me. We were out on a little trip out of the city. Staying overnight at a village after climbing (and unclimbing) Torna. And we went on and on and on making terrible jokes about the new Baba. He took it quite well for most part, but as the jokes got worse, you could see his expression changing. From the calm and collected look he always has, you could see a pained look entering his face. Finally, he snapped.

[Useful background information]
VRD rejected an IIT to grace our college with his holy presence. Some say that if you know VRD's actual grades, you would have an accurate value of infinity. We usually get grades on a scale of ten. He on the other hand, would be scandalised if he got anything less than ten.
[End of useful background information]

Gathering his reserve, VRD put in as much sneer as a nice chap like him can put into his voice, and cursed me. He thought it was the most terrible curse one could give. He whispered, with a manic grin,
"You, GreySith, You who have insulted me, the holy baba, I curse you! You, will get the paltry result of NINE POINTS for this semester!" A frightening evil laugh followed.

I didn't know what to do. Here I was, struggling to make eight, and he curses that I shall have nine! I found it hard to supress my joy, but I heroically did. I looked at him, glum and sullen, as if it truly was the most terrible thing in the world. He was duly satisfied with my reaction.

The results have come around, and the guy who was struggling to get past eight, has ended up with 8.6! Truly, Jai ho baba!

The Chronicles of Abba: The Cult of Baba

The way Abba's going, he'll soon be the most famous person on the planet (for *ahem* the wrong reasons!). The third chronicle of Abba takes us to a pre-Seamen (* cough cough*) Abba. There we all were - just having returned from the star party. Abba had been awake the whole night, clicking away to glory... Understandably, the lack of sleep did not agree with his constitution. The responses from his began to get more and more vague, until this happened:

Enthu: (Mocking query) Can we expect any good photographs from you at all?
Abba: Arre just go to Katraj.
Enthu: What?
Decibel: Hahaha... What's wrong Abba? Horrid pics?
Abba: Why don't you too go to Katraj and have milk?
Enthu: Look now... he's lost it so bad he's going to send you to Katraj no matter what you say...
Me: Hey Abba - You suck!
Abba: Just go to Katraj, dude.
Enthu: This is going to become a legend in our college... Part of college lore... Telling someone to go to Katraj will be like the biggest threat you could give someone... Imagine-
Senior: Junior1, you're going to go to Katraj today...
Junior1: NOOOOO!!!
Junior2: (to Junior3) My God Junior1 has had it today...
Junior3: Agreed... He's in for a drubbing today... Hope we see him tomorrow...
Me: Hahaha!
Abba: Arre shut up dude! Don't you want to drink milk in Katraj?
Enthu: I've understood I think... I think Abba is the Doodh Baba. He's a baba who's sole devotion is to milk... So it follows that 'Go to Katraj' is his way of saying 'Go to Hell'.
Me: Hahahaha what the random!
Enthu: Please forgive me Baba, I have grievously wronged you by making fun of you... Just don't send me to Katraj!
Abba: What? Uhh?
Enthu: No baba, forgive me, I have made a mistake...
Abba (transformation to Baba now complete) : Hmm... I shall consider...

More followed, until the Doodh Baba became a part of Astronomy Club lore...

Next post: Hymns to Baba; Facts about Baba that you did not know.

Foot in Mouth Disease

Foot in mouth disease is a dreadful thing. Symptoms include talking before you think, blabbering nonsense, unintentionally revealing things that must not be revealed, etc. Now take the example of Abba (yes, of KrackJack fame). On the way back from GMRT, we were having lunch at a highway dhaba. The whole bunch of us had been divided across two tables. Abba and a couple of other guys sat at one table with a bunch of girls, while our table had mostly guys, with a sssssolitary girl. Abba's table was finished with lunch much earlier than ours, but the guys at that table were still hungry. So they hopped over to our table.

Now Abba is a jolly nice chap, who like most ten year olds, imagines himself to be a noble king one day, a resolute knight the other, a brave pirate hunter the next and so on (there is the small problem - the fact that Abba is all of nineteen, not ten, but since he's a nice chap we'll overlook that). On that day, (probably influenced by the number of girls surrounding him) he decided that he would be the Pirate Hunter. Like I said, Abba hopped over to our table halfway through lunch. He must've thought that a proclamation of the state of affairs would go rather nicely with the whole Pirate Hunter thing. But a simple 'I'm coming over there to join you guys' just would not do, would it? Of course not! So he said:
Abba : My seamen have deserted me!
Enthu (eating, bursts out laughing) : WHAT? HAHAHHAHAHAHA
Me (eating) : What? What seamen are you talking about? (to enthu) What on earth is he talking about?
Enthu : HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Me : * Puzzled *
Abba : * Puzzled *
Enthu : HAHAHAHAHAHAHA... Pune Mirror Page twenty-five... HAHAHA
Me : What in the blue hel... HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Abba : * Still puzzled *
Me : Pune mirror page twenty-five HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Abba : Arre what's going on here?
Enthu : We are verry sorry, but we cannot help yo...HAHAHAHA
VRD (Realisation dawns upon him) : Arre sheesh... hahahaha
Me : hahahahahaha
Abba : * Still extremely puzzled *
VRD : Arre its just a difference in the stress on pronunciation... like say - please and plizz.
Abba (Now, finally out of the storm) : Oh god! NO!

We continued laughing for a while after that, all of which cannot be captured on this blog.

Will Durant once said, 'One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say.' To put it in simpler words (for the benefit of Abba), 'A closed mouth gathers no foot.' Pay attention Abba, pay attention!

Credits
I cannot leave the credits out. This post here ONLY by public demand. The public in question is anu, from here (Yes, only her (and her only, even though that's wrong english)). Form your own opinions. The greySith has said (and laughed) enough.