Dear Hero Honda,
I'm writing this letter because as a part of the market section that you're trying to target, I'd like to make a suggestion.
FIRE EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN YOUR MARKETING TEAM.
No? Again? Okay.
FIRE EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN YOUR MARKETING TEAM.
What was your HR team thinking when they employed the marketing team?
Please answer a few questions for my satisfaction:
1. Why did you name an otherwise okay bike 'HUNK'
2. What makes you think men want to ride a hunk?
3. Does a rider on a hunk really turn into a bison at will?
4. Does Hrithik Roshan's Karizma really have a nitrous oxide system?
5. What made you think a red bike with checks on it looks cool?
6. Did you actually think before you agreed to make a PINK Passion?
7. Did you actually even think before naming a bike Passion? Or pleasure?
8. Does anyone of the Next Generation really ride a Splendor NXG?
9. Does anyone ride a Splendor NXG?
10. Does the 'new' CBZ extreme have anything different from the old one other than red rear wheel rims?
11. How does the new CBZ extreme spin about two axes in one jump?
Enough? Really, you people ought to be banned for the mental trauma your rubbish adverts cause to billions of innocent people. On another note, the people at TVS who dreamed of 'jab angoothe se kaam chale to laath kyon maarna?' for the self started TVS Star are snickering at you about now. You should be ashamed.
For the lucky uninitiated, here you go:
http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=i0ZhYYSrf_8
Saturday, 22 November 2008
Sunday, 14 September 2008
A town of many Tales
It's a friday night - and I receive a call from Abba (known in certain circles as the holy baba). He tells me that we should go for a biking trip the next morning. I'm a biking enthusiast myself, so it wasn't long before I said yes - with one caveat - no pillion riders. When you want to just have a flat out blast on a bike, I just feel that the pillion gets in the way. After a little argument, he agreed.
Too bikers is two few (or is it two bikers is too few?), so we needed more people. The only other person with a bike is the fair Encke. We gave her a call, and a little while later she was on board.
Later that night, frantic plans were made. 'We should go to the Talegaon MIDC area,' I said. It is a beautiful place. Then on the spur of the moment, we decided that it would, in fact, be Lonavla that we went to. All fixed up, we were to meet the next day at 7:30.
Trust Abba to be late. To add more chaos to the mix, Encke turned up at 7:10 and called the two of us. I got to the rendezvous point around 7:30, and Abba at 7:50. We're finally set! Off we went then, riding out. We'd go through Khadki, then Pimpri and Chinchwad before we hit the open highway. About 50-60 km from there would get us to Lonavla. Of course, there are traps in the best laid plans. Abba's Enfield developed a front tyre puncture in Khadki, and to worsen matters, the mechanic broke an axle clamp while fitting back the fixed tyre. Game over for Abba. Crucially, it had cost us more than an hour.
Abba vehemently insisted that we go on. I wasn't too sure, and left it to Encke to decide. She said, 'We've come this far, we might as well finish the trip.' We decided to drop the idea of Lonavla and go instead, to our original destination, Talegaon - the town of many tales (geddit?). Leaving Khadki at 9:45 (we had expected to be eating chocolate fudge in Lonavla by this time) we had a stonker of ride, covering 30 odd km in nearly as many minutes.
Once out of the twin townships of Pimpri and Chinchwad, the highway is open, empty and fantastic. For a stretch of about 5-6km, we were doing speeds in excess of 100kmph. Once in the MIDC area, the photographers in Encke and me took over. A few beautiful flowers were snapped, the panaroma featured in some of our photos too. There were a few pics of Encke and a few of me, a few of us both. Take a look at the pics we took, or head over here to see all of 'em in a better res.
The journey back home was good as well. I even took a turn at what could be called an outrageous lean (on a public road of course. On a racetrack, that very lean would be outrageous, for different reasons!) of 25-30 degrees to the road! Encke was a little more circumspect at that lean. We hit over 100kmph again in a couple of spots and made it back to Pune in about an hour's time. Tremendous fun! Will certainly do again!
The link to the pics again - if you missed it
Too bikers is two few (or is it two bikers is too few?), so we needed more people. The only other person with a bike is the fair Encke. We gave her a call, and a little while later she was on board.
Later that night, frantic plans were made. 'We should go to the Talegaon MIDC area,' I said. It is a beautiful place. Then on the spur of the moment, we decided that it would, in fact, be Lonavla that we went to. All fixed up, we were to meet the next day at 7:30.
Trust Abba to be late. To add more chaos to the mix, Encke turned up at 7:10 and called the two of us. I got to the rendezvous point around 7:30, and Abba at 7:50. We're finally set! Off we went then, riding out. We'd go through Khadki, then Pimpri and Chinchwad before we hit the open highway. About 50-60 km from there would get us to Lonavla. Of course, there are traps in the best laid plans. Abba's Enfield developed a front tyre puncture in Khadki, and to worsen matters, the mechanic broke an axle clamp while fitting back the fixed tyre. Game over for Abba. Crucially, it had cost us more than an hour.
Abba vehemently insisted that we go on. I wasn't too sure, and left it to Encke to decide. She said, 'We've come this far, we might as well finish the trip.' We decided to drop the idea of Lonavla and go instead, to our original destination, Talegaon - the town of many tales (geddit?). Leaving Khadki at 9:45 (we had expected to be eating chocolate fudge in Lonavla by this time) we had a stonker of ride, covering 30 odd km in nearly as many minutes.
Once out of the twin townships of Pimpri and Chinchwad, the highway is open, empty and fantastic. For a stretch of about 5-6km, we were doing speeds in excess of 100kmph. Once in the MIDC area, the photographers in Encke and me took over. A few beautiful flowers were snapped, the panaroma featured in some of our photos too. There were a few pics of Encke and a few of me, a few of us both. Take a look at the pics we took, or head over here to see all of 'em in a better res.
The journey back home was good as well. I even took a turn at what could be called an outrageous lean (on a public road of course. On a racetrack, that very lean would be outrageous, for different reasons!) of 25-30 degrees to the road! Encke was a little more circumspect at that lean. We hit over 100kmph again in a couple of spots and made it back to Pune in about an hour's time. Tremendous fun! Will certainly do again!
The link to the pics again - if you missed it
Tuesday, 26 August 2008
Helmets
I've been wondering why people in our country so dislike wearing helmets while riding two wheeled vehicles. So I decided I should list the benefits of not wearing helmets - as compared to the benefit of wearing one. Here we go -
The benefits of not wearing a helmet:
1. You can spit on the road (That is of course, much more important than safety)
2. You can show off your 'skills' and try to impress people (Really! What's the use of being safe? Much better to be cool!)
3. You won't lose hair (Imaginary studies conducted by idiots conclusively prove that 98.671045% of all people who regularly use helmets lose all their hair after an average 6.43 minutes of helmet wear. Why take a risk with your hair? The hair is more important than the head!)
4. You can feel the wind rush through your hair. (Even if you run the risk of tasting asphalt once in a while, it's bloody well worth it!)
5. You won't run the risk of getting neck aches (Other imaginary studies state the 143% of helmet users suffer from chronic neck pain that makes them look like dead people from Zee Horror Show. Better to live short without neck ache, than live long with the hypothetical pain!)
6. You can give people horrid looks, and make your insults and abuses very clear (You can't really do that effectively from the confines of a helmet. Without a helmet, you can express yourself better.)
7. You don't have to tire yourself carrying the helmet around (More imaginary studies show that the stress felt by your hand carrying the helmet is about 4,692,120 times more than the stress your head will feel if it hits the ground in a biking accident.)
8. You save money! (So what if you might have to spend much more on medical treatments?)
9. You don't feel hot under the helmet (This one is the absolute truth. Obviously, direct exposure to sunlight keeps your head cooler than being shielded by an inch and a half of insulating material.)
10. You can hear things on the road better (And that matters. If you don't notice people, how will you go about yelling at them and making faces?)
The benefits of wearing a helmet:
There's just one, primary benefit - you remain a lot safer with the helmet on, than without it. (Safety? THAT'S FOR LOSERS! Real men/women aren't gutless worms who need helmets protecting them!)
So as you can see, the benefits of not wearing a helmet outnumber the advantages of wearing one 10:1. No wonder. I always knew that most of my countrymen had done the maths had opted for the more 'sensible' choice!
The benefits of not wearing a helmet:
1. You can spit on the road (That is of course, much more important than safety)
2. You can show off your 'skills' and try to impress people (Really! What's the use of being safe? Much better to be cool!)
3. You won't lose hair (Imaginary studies conducted by idiots conclusively prove that 98.671045% of all people who regularly use helmets lose all their hair after an average 6.43 minutes of helmet wear. Why take a risk with your hair? The hair is more important than the head!)
4. You can feel the wind rush through your hair. (Even if you run the risk of tasting asphalt once in a while, it's bloody well worth it!)
5. You won't run the risk of getting neck aches (Other imaginary studies state the 143% of helmet users suffer from chronic neck pain that makes them look like dead people from Zee Horror Show. Better to live short without neck ache, than live long with the hypothetical pain!)
6. You can give people horrid looks, and make your insults and abuses very clear (You can't really do that effectively from the confines of a helmet. Without a helmet, you can express yourself better.)
7. You don't have to tire yourself carrying the helmet around (More imaginary studies show that the stress felt by your hand carrying the helmet is about 4,692,120 times more than the stress your head will feel if it hits the ground in a biking accident.)
8. You save money! (So what if you might have to spend much more on medical treatments?)
9. You don't feel hot under the helmet (This one is the absolute truth. Obviously, direct exposure to sunlight keeps your head cooler than being shielded by an inch and a half of insulating material.)
10. You can hear things on the road better (And that matters. If you don't notice people, how will you go about yelling at them and making faces?)
The benefits of wearing a helmet:
There's just one, primary benefit - you remain a lot safer with the helmet on, than without it. (Safety? THAT'S FOR LOSERS! Real men/women aren't gutless worms who need helmets protecting them!)
So as you can see, the benefits of not wearing a helmet outnumber the advantages of wearing one 10:1. No wonder. I always knew that most of my countrymen had done the maths had opted for the more 'sensible' choice!
Tuesday, 19 August 2008
Why I don't want to drive
Recently, almost everyone has been nagging me to learn how to drive. People keep telling me things like 'It's good to know how to drive...' (Yes it is), 'It'll be a lot of fun!' (Maybe so), 'It's much safer' (It is)... I've lost count. But I'm not going to learn how to drive. Not just yet. Primarily because I'm having too much fun on my bike.
Driving cars maybe fun, but it can never be as thrilling as a bike can be. And the reason is one of those I mentioned above. It's not as safe. Riding a bike is a lot riskier than driving a car is. Even if you don't count the state of our roads and the behaviour of our motorists, I still think it takes a phenomenal amount of skill and guts to have the same amount of fun on a bike that you can have in a 'safe' car. Cars have a ton of safety features in them - ABS, Airbags, Seat Belts etc. On a bike, all you have for protection are a helmet (don't consider yourself worthy of a bike if you do not use a helmet) and less often gloves, elbow/knee guards and suchlike. In spite of all the protection you wear, you're still going to take a beating if you have a fall. In a car, there's little risk of hurting yourself if you muck something up.
On a bike, therefore, you have to be completely in control of the vehicle, and yet let the vehicle control you. Know the vehicle's limits, but it must know yours too. When you try something spectacular on a bike, you put your faith completely into the bike and your skill - there's no steel cage, no seatbelt to protect you. Which is why when you succeed in doing something exhilarating on a bike, the high that you get can be rivalled by little else. It is the union of man and machine that gives you such a rush- each dependent on the other for safety. I've done it a couple of times- pushed the bike a little further than I thought it could've gone. Both times, on razor thin margins, the bike held on. Once, I've returned the favour, using skill to overcome the bike's slip. It's a symbiotic system - man and machine.
Another thing that irks me about cars is that you have to get pretty high up to get a car that is fun. A road ripping bike can be yours for a fraction of that money. As far as I know, the swift is the only 'fun' car a reasonable sum of money can buy. The next stop comes at nearly double the cost - the Mitsubishi Lancer. That, is my dream car... Maybe then I'll want to drive... Even if I'm 40 by the time I can afford one!
Till that day comes, I might learn how to drive, but I'm going to be on my bike more than I'll ever be in a car.
Driving cars maybe fun, but it can never be as thrilling as a bike can be. And the reason is one of those I mentioned above. It's not as safe. Riding a bike is a lot riskier than driving a car is. Even if you don't count the state of our roads and the behaviour of our motorists, I still think it takes a phenomenal amount of skill and guts to have the same amount of fun on a bike that you can have in a 'safe' car. Cars have a ton of safety features in them - ABS, Airbags, Seat Belts etc. On a bike, all you have for protection are a helmet (don't consider yourself worthy of a bike if you do not use a helmet) and less often gloves, elbow/knee guards and suchlike. In spite of all the protection you wear, you're still going to take a beating if you have a fall. In a car, there's little risk of hurting yourself if you muck something up.On a bike, therefore, you have to be completely in control of the vehicle, and yet let the vehicle control you. Know the vehicle's limits, but it must know yours too. When you try something spectacular on a bike, you put your faith completely into the bike and your skill - there's no steel cage, no seatbelt to protect you. Which is why when you succeed in doing something exhilarating on a bike, the high that you get can be rivalled by little else. It is the union of man and machine that gives you such a rush- each dependent on the other for safety. I've done it a couple of times- pushed the bike a little further than I thought it could've gone. Both times, on razor thin margins, the bike held on. Once, I've returned the favour, using skill to overcome the bike's slip. It's a symbiotic system - man and machine.
Another thing that irks me about cars is that you have to get pretty high up to get a car that is fun. A road ripping bike can be yours for a fraction of that money. As far as I know, the swift is the only 'fun' car a reasonable sum of money can buy. The next stop comes at nearly double the cost - the Mitsubishi Lancer. That, is my dream car... Maybe then I'll want to drive... Even if I'm 40 by the time I can afford one!
Till that day comes, I might learn how to drive, but I'm going to be on my bike more than I'll ever be in a car.
Sunday, 17 August 2008
Anti-Friendship day
I've been inactive. If only I had brought my self to type out things I've wanted to... but suddenly, I feel this surge. I want to write. From now on, I want to write frequently. Write about something significant rather than meaningless, poorly written posts like this one. From now on, I will try to rattle off readable blog entries at a lively pace.
So off again. My tirade today, is against friendship day. It's wrong for a few million reasons, (there is of course the small probability that I have grievously underestimated that number) I'm going to try and talk about a few of them.
Let's begin then. I'm sick of the sheer number of days in a year dedicated to this person and that... this concept and that... COME OFF IT ALREADY! How hard is it to see that this is just a crass marketing ploy on the part of the greeting card companies? With the spread of inexpensive cellular technology, the mobile companies too have it all to gain. The entire concept of having these days is to honour something or someone that you normally take for granted, or say/do things you normally wouldn't. So lets rattle off with the ones that come to my mind now...
Mothers day - Mothers are underrated. I think it's good that there is at least one day in the year when the things she does for you and me are respected.
Fathers Day - Fathers are not underrated. I love my father too, but it is simply silly to celebrate a fathers day in a society such as ours, where the male is so predominant.
Doctors Day - WHAT? WHY? I think you feel enough gratitude for the good ones, and hate the inept ones enough all through the year.
I could go on forever... but the list will never end. We need to stop. Stop playing into the hands of these pathetic marketing ploys. I mean, for our example, friendship day... What makes any of you think that it matters one teensy-weensy little bit? The good friends will be standing by your side, the fickle ones will leave you, friendship day celebration/cards/bands or not.
I consider the whole ordeal entirely farcical... I will not wish anyone a happy friendship day in my life, but you are more than welcome to join my anti-friendship day crusade.
Until next time, !X!
So off again. My tirade today, is against friendship day. It's wrong for a few million reasons, (there is of course the small probability that I have grievously underestimated that number) I'm going to try and talk about a few of them.
Let's begin then. I'm sick of the sheer number of days in a year dedicated to this person and that... this concept and that... COME OFF IT ALREADY! How hard is it to see that this is just a crass marketing ploy on the part of the greeting card companies? With the spread of inexpensive cellular technology, the mobile companies too have it all to gain. The entire concept of having these days is to honour something or someone that you normally take for granted, or say/do things you normally wouldn't. So lets rattle off with the ones that come to my mind now...
Mothers day - Mothers are underrated. I think it's good that there is at least one day in the year when the things she does for you and me are respected.
Fathers Day - Fathers are not underrated. I love my father too, but it is simply silly to celebrate a fathers day in a society such as ours, where the male is so predominant.
Doctors Day - WHAT? WHY? I think you feel enough gratitude for the good ones, and hate the inept ones enough all through the year.
I could go on forever... but the list will never end. We need to stop. Stop playing into the hands of these pathetic marketing ploys. I mean, for our example, friendship day... What makes any of you think that it matters one teensy-weensy little bit? The good friends will be standing by your side, the fickle ones will leave you, friendship day celebration/cards/bands or not.
I consider the whole ordeal entirely farcical... I will not wish anyone a happy friendship day in my life, but you are more than welcome to join my anti-friendship day crusade.
Until next time, !X!
Thursday, 3 July 2008
How much longer?
A letter to ESPN Star Sports
How much longer will you deprive us of Marat Safin's matches? What will you telecast instead of the Wimbledon Semi-Final? The whole idea of two channels is that no one ought to miss their favourite sporting action. And yet, you insisted on not telecasting Safin's matches, instead telecasting anything you could lay your hands on. So again. WHAT WILL YOU TELECAST INSTEAD OF SAFIN ON THE WIMBLEDON CENTRE COURT?
-Disgruntled Safin Fan
How much longer will you deprive us of Marat Safin's matches? What will you telecast instead of the Wimbledon Semi-Final? The whole idea of two channels is that no one ought to miss their favourite sporting action. And yet, you insisted on not telecasting Safin's matches, instead telecasting anything you could lay your hands on. So again. WHAT WILL YOU TELECAST INSTEAD OF SAFIN ON THE WIMBLEDON CENTRE COURT?
-Disgruntled Safin Fan
Saturday, 28 June 2008
Marat Safin
I don't consider myself a tennis fan. I know most of the rules, know the current world #1s. But that's about it. On a fine January morning in 2005, I happened to read an article celebrating the twenty-fifth birthday of (to me) little known Russian tennis player. That player was of course, Marat Safin (And if you didn't see that coming after the post title, YOU'RE A DOLT). I remember being extremely fascinated by this man. I loved the fact that he wore his heart on his sleeve, wasn't afraid to say what he thought. His temper amused me too - he'd break racquets and berate himself in multiple languages... His only stumbling block was his form, which varied as erratically as weather forecasts vary from reality. I decided that I had to see this man play. It was convenient that his birthday, and consequently the article, were around the time of the 2005 Australian open. I saw all of his matches during that Australian open, and was immediately a fan. He defeated Roger Federer in an epic semi-final and the went on to beat the fan favourite Australian Lleyton Hewitt in another fabulous match. I'd finally found a tennis player to support.
It all went downhill from there. Plagued by injury and a lack of self belief, Safin hardly ever made it past the initial rounds of most tournaments after that. I gave up watching tennis too. Roger Federer was too boring and I didn't really like Nadal. Fast forward to a couple of days back, and I see a news article that said that Safin was through to the third round of Wimbledon having beaten Novak Djokovic. That got me excited, I made every attempt to get the time for his third round match. A prolonged search got me a time of 6:30 PM IST, yesterday. But then, one must not forget that Wimbledon is in Great Britain. Thanks to the weather, the match only started around 11 PM IST. To cut a long story short, he won. What excites me is that last night (I stayed up to 2 AM, watching him win) he was the vintage Safin. There was a little bit of everything that makes Marat Safin what he is. There was a racquet thrown, frequent yelling, multiple expressions of disbelief at how he'd been cheated by providence over one shot or the other. Coming up to the what had to be the last game (he only had to hold serve), him leading 7-6, 3-6, 7-6, 5-4, the crowd was going crazy. There was a spectacular Mexican wave that went around Court 1 thrice before he could even start his serve. And then, just to prove that this was of course, the ever erratic Marat Safin, he went on to trail 15-40. Everybody (me included) must have groaned inwardly at this juncture. Could he blow it all? Having done all the hard work, would he stumble now? And he didn't. The crowd went beserk as he took victory from an increasingly panic stricken Andreas Seppi.
Safin is quite the fan favourite. The spectators gathered at court 1 braved chilling weather, seated till after 9 PM local time, to see another Safin epic, and they were rewarded. Safin was gracious enough to sign a multitude of autographs after the gruelling three hour match, and left the court to loud cheers from the spectators. What is it about this Russian that makes him such a favourite with the fans? To be really honest, I think Safin's rollercoaster career appeals to this feeling we all have inside us. The tragedy of unfulfilled genius. Safin embodies that unfulfilled genius. That's why, his win is our win, his loss is our loss, his heartbreak is ours and his jubilation is ours too.
One of the commentators said something about destiny. If ever Safin was supposed to win Wimbledon, it had to be now. Can he win? Of course, when he's mentally fit, it doesn't matter who the opponent is. It just doesn't. He can steamroll the best into submission. Will he? That's another matter altogether, for Marat Safin always plays with a handicap. Only one man is trying to defeat his opponent. Safin. However, two men are trying to defeat Safin. His opponent and - Safin himself. I'm sure there are millions of fans worldwide who'd like to see him overcome himself in the coming days. If he can do that, I truly, from the bottom of my heart feel sorry for his opponents.
Like another commentator said, "It's ridiculous really, that a man of such prodigious talent last won a grand slam at the Australian open three years ago."
It all went downhill from there. Plagued by injury and a lack of self belief, Safin hardly ever made it past the initial rounds of most tournaments after that. I gave up watching tennis too. Roger Federer was too boring and I didn't really like Nadal. Fast forward to a couple of days back, and I see a news article that said that Safin was through to the third round of Wimbledon having beaten Novak Djokovic. That got me excited, I made every attempt to get the time for his third round match. A prolonged search got me a time of 6:30 PM IST, yesterday. But then, one must not forget that Wimbledon is in Great Britain. Thanks to the weather, the match only started around 11 PM IST. To cut a long story short, he won. What excites me is that last night (I stayed up to 2 AM, watching him win) he was the vintage Safin. There was a little bit of everything that makes Marat Safin what he is. There was a racquet thrown, frequent yelling, multiple expressions of disbelief at how he'd been cheated by providence over one shot or the other. Coming up to the what had to be the last game (he only had to hold serve), him leading 7-6, 3-6, 7-6, 5-4, the crowd was going crazy. There was a spectacular Mexican wave that went around Court 1 thrice before he could even start his serve. And then, just to prove that this was of course, the ever erratic Marat Safin, he went on to trail 15-40. Everybody (me included) must have groaned inwardly at this juncture. Could he blow it all? Having done all the hard work, would he stumble now? And he didn't. The crowd went beserk as he took victory from an increasingly panic stricken Andreas Seppi.
Safin is quite the fan favourite. The spectators gathered at court 1 braved chilling weather, seated till after 9 PM local time, to see another Safin epic, and they were rewarded. Safin was gracious enough to sign a multitude of autographs after the gruelling three hour match, and left the court to loud cheers from the spectators. What is it about this Russian that makes him such a favourite with the fans? To be really honest, I think Safin's rollercoaster career appeals to this feeling we all have inside us. The tragedy of unfulfilled genius. Safin embodies that unfulfilled genius. That's why, his win is our win, his loss is our loss, his heartbreak is ours and his jubilation is ours too.One of the commentators said something about destiny. If ever Safin was supposed to win Wimbledon, it had to be now. Can he win? Of course, when he's mentally fit, it doesn't matter who the opponent is. It just doesn't. He can steamroll the best into submission. Will he? That's another matter altogether, for Marat Safin always plays with a handicap. Only one man is trying to defeat his opponent. Safin. However, two men are trying to defeat Safin. His opponent and - Safin himself. I'm sure there are millions of fans worldwide who'd like to see him overcome himself in the coming days. If he can do that, I truly, from the bottom of my heart feel sorry for his opponents.
Like another commentator said, "It's ridiculous really, that a man of such prodigious talent last won a grand slam at the Australian open three years ago."
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