Tuesday, 26 August 2008

Helmets

I've been wondering why people in our country so dislike wearing helmets while riding two wheeled vehicles. So I decided I should list the benefits of not wearing helmets - as compared to the benefit of wearing one. Here we go -

The benefits of not wearing a helmet:
1. You can spit on the road (That is of course, much more important than safety)
2. You can show off your 'skills' and try to impress people (Really! What's the use of being safe? Much better to be cool!)
3. You won't lose hair (Imaginary studies conducted by idiots conclusively prove that 98.671045% of all people who regularly use helmets lose all their hair after an average 6.43 minutes of helmet wear. Why take a risk with your hair? The hair is more important than the head!)
4. You can feel the wind rush through your hair. (Even if you run the risk of tasting asphalt once in a while, it's bloody well worth it!)
5. You won't run the risk of getting neck aches (Other imaginary studies state the 143% of helmet users suffer from chronic neck pain that makes them look like dead people from Zee Horror Show. Better to live short without neck ache, than live long with the hypothetical pain!)
6. You can give people horrid looks, and make your insults and abuses very clear (You can't really do that effectively from the confines of a helmet. Without a helmet, you can express yourself better.)
7. You don't have to tire yourself carrying the helmet around (More imaginary studies show that the stress felt by your hand carrying the helmet is about 4,692,120 times more than the stress your head will feel if it hits the ground in a biking accident.)
8. You save money! (So what if you might have to spend much more on medical treatments?)
9. You don't feel hot under the helmet (This one is the absolute truth. Obviously, direct exposure to sunlight keeps your head cooler than being shielded by an inch and a half of insulating material.)
10. You can hear things on the road better (And that matters. If you don't notice people, how will you go about yelling at them and making faces?)

The benefits of wearing a helmet:
There's just one, primary benefit - you remain a lot safer with the helmet on, than without it. (Safety? THAT'S FOR LOSERS! Real men/women aren't gutless worms who need helmets protecting them!)

So as you can see, the benefits of not wearing a helmet outnumber the advantages of wearing one 10:1. No wonder. I always knew that most of my countrymen had done the maths had opted for the more 'sensible' choice!

3 comments:

falconer said...

surely you forgot that since 70% of indians believe that a bird shitting on your head is good luck, helmets are a hindrance to good luck and prosperity

greySith said...

A thousand pardons! Of course! The lack of a helmet brings luck! (Never mind the fact that it'll help when you have bad luck!)

falconer said...

then you also forget the "Bharatiya Nari Morcha's " demands..."The buns we tie our hairs into make it impossible to wear a helmet"
Surely we cannot overlook this great crime!...down with helmets