I'm a mid 60s guy

These are words of Enthu. Uttered on the way back from Nasrapur. For a little background, Nasrapur is a village on NH4. We have an active Astronomy club, and we had decided to go to Nasrapur for a star party. Enthu and I went to the site a couple of days earlier to perform a recce of the site, to ensure it's good for our purposes.

We left Pune at 6:40 PM, and got there at around 8:30 PM. Most of that time was wasted in the city. Once we got out on to the highway, we were doing a comfortable average of over 60kmph, touching 85 odd occasionally.

On the way back, I offered to let Enthu ride. He tells me, "I'm not a big fan of speed... I'm a mid 60s guy. You're pretty confident on the bike- when you took that banked turn at 78, 'gote kapaalat geli hoti' for lack of a better phrase." I told him that the bike inspires such confidence.

A push of the starter and a minute later, the mid 60s guy is cruising along at 75kmph and taking banked turns at 80. And touching speeds around 90kmph.

We did in excess of 70kmph on the highway that night. That's a pretty impressive figure on Indian roads. And the rider was riding this particular bike for the first time.

Once we've stopped he tells me, "This bike is fantastic! It just feels so assured and planted to the road! I've ridden many bikes, and never felt confident enough to cross 60kmph for too long a time."

I agree. The Apache RTR is one of the finest pieces of engineering to come out of an Indian company. Too bad the seat is bad, and too bad the engine vibes a bit. But you can't have it all. I'd say the brilliant engineers at Hosur can take a bow.

You don't know what this means....

... until it happens to you.

@ At the other entity involved- no hard feelings, merely an observation.
Disclaimer: The image and alt text are copied exactly as is from xkcd.
(c) xkcd etc.

Dam it!

Many years from now, one rule will have been added to the book of unsaid biking rules - Never trust people with the initials ADB (I'm looking at you Abba). We had planned to go to Lonavla yesterday (on bikes obviously) - Abba, the fair Encke and me (Falconer being away). And then the unholy baba pulls out on saturday evening citing "fatigue", once again leaving Encke and me to do all the biking. Like I've said before, too is two few (err...?). Thanks to Abba, we had to drop the Lonavla plan (and had to imagine Falconer with an evil laugh saying 'there can be no chocolate fudge in Lonavla without me! moohahaha!'). Despite Abba's best efforts though, we did go for a ride Sunday morning. The journey was cut short only to Khadakwasla dam, seeing as only two people were going.
We were supposed to meet at Rajaram bridge at 07:15. I got a little late and reached there at 07:30. And there was nobody there (of course - nobody I know - DOH). So out of politeness, I wait for ten minutes for the fair Encke... nobody turns up. I finally called her in ten minutes time. The transcript:

*ring ring*
*cut*
me: (thought) She must almost be here - so the dropped call.
a minute later,
*ring ring*
Me: Hello
Encke (groggy): Uh hello... I just woke up...
Me (incredulous): Whaa?
Encke (still groggy): Uh yeah... I'm sorry... I'll be there in fifteen minutes
Me (still incredulous): Okay... see you in a bit
Ten minutes later, she's at the bridge
Encke (still a little groggy, but looking very cheerful): Hi!! I'm sorry- I got up late!
Me: Er okay...
Encke: You remember those gloves I bought...
Me: Yes...
Encke: They're both for the same hand!! I have to wear them one correct and one reversed!
Me: *speechless*

After we finally got going, it took us barely one half of an hour to get to the dam. She's been reservoir side, but not the dam side, so we decide to go dam side this time around (the third time for me). We came across this really weird place where there were chucks of wall lying around a large meadow... I kid you not!

She tells me to go stand close to one of the wall remnants for a pic,
Encke: Why don't you go stand close to that piece of wall, I'll take a pic
Me (tentative): It's all slushy and mucky there... I'm not too sure
Encke: Oh stop being a wimp. Just go.
Me: Ehehehe there's water there... not a very good idea...
Encke: Gah. Here, take the camera, I'll go.
Me (ungallantly stands aside): Okay.
Encke: It is rather slushy and mucky.
Me (I told you so tone coming to prominence) : And there's water - can't tell how deep it is...
Encke: Worse still- can't say what's in it!
She thankfully drops the idea.

We then walk about a bit more and find a dry approach to that wall remnant and another. She's a climber, I'm a guy who takes pics - guess what we did. She climbed the wall remnant and I took pics...

On the second wall remnant she climbs, she tells me,
Encke: Hey! this one's easy, you can climb this one...
Me (warily): Are you sure?
Encke: Yes!!

She gets down and then guides me up the wall remnant. She then climbs back up with a tripod. We then take a couple of cringeworthy pics *cringes*.

(The author would like to point out that this cringeworthy pic was taken at the same point that Encke was standing on in the previous pic)

We then went up a little further up - to NDA... Took a few pics there. A fun ride, like the first two to Khadakwasla were! And the next time, we ARE going to Lonavla Abba, with or without you.

Rest of the pics can be found here. I would've taken the credit for these pics (Encke took most of them) but then again, Encke's a comet. Comets are hot, glowing balls of fire (oh the melodrama!). Being struck by one isn't my idea of a good time. So yes- the credit for most of these (rather nice) photos goes to Encke. Like I said, the next stop is Lonavla.

How to use a bike on a date

Ahoy there! It's been a while eh? Well, back again to try and amuse you, I am.

So this article, is a collection of thoughts of things that you could do with a bike on a date. I'll be talking about how different bits of a bike can be used on a date. For the guys, take this with a heap of salt (the author's never tried any of this). For the girls, if you notice your guy following this post like a textbook on your date, you know what to do (or do you?). So here we go:

1. The headlamp [L]
It could help you get her attention before you're out on a date, but not much use on a date.

2. The horn [H]
You might need it when you go to pick her up. A nasty loud blaring horn (that sounds like a Punjab da trukkk oye!) will probably not go down very well, but if you've got a wimpy horn, you'll sound sound like a, well, wimp. Now you know.

3. Torque [T]
If you have a torquey engine, it's a nice tool that you can use. On the first few dates, use the torque to overtake the other jerk with the chick behind him. She (the one behind you :s) ought to be a little impressed. On later dates, open the throttle suddenly to have the bike leap forward. Likely to have her clutch at you as a knee-jerk reaction (Though it's pretty sad for a girl to be clutching at a jerk like you).

4. Engine roar [E]
I suppose it looks better if your engine roars more than it purrs.

5. The front brake [B]
Nothing, I repeat, nothing will bring two people closer on a date than a well disguised and hard brake (the verb brake, not the noun brake). For this, you need a strong front brake. Ought to work like a charm.

6. The size of the rear seat [S]
A small rear seat leads to obvious consequences... the less said (by this author) the better *cough* *cough*.

7. Riding gear [G]
No idea how this impresses the ladies. Jerks tend to believe that they look more macho without riding gear on. I tend to differ on that view. Your take really.

8. The grab rail [R]
If you have a nice big grab rail to hold on to, your girl will hold that. You have a bad grab rail to hold on to, the lady will hold on to you.

9. The shock absorbers [A]
Bad shocks will make the pillion clutch harder at whatever she's holding, so bad shocks + #8, the maths is simple.

Now that we have eight parameters, let's rate bikes on these points. Scores out of 70, converted to a score out of 10. Higher scores are good for the desperate guys, lower scores good for the ladies. I'll only be rating bikes that I have used.

The results:

So there you have it.
Ladies, you know you can trust a guy on a Unicorn. Guys, Pulsar 200 for the win!

Disclaimers:
1. The author has never tried any of this. (What did you think?)
2. Guys, if the girl has (unfortunately) read this post, best of luck on that date.

The author wishes to acknowledge that the probability of him going out tended to zero before this post was published. After publishing, the probability now stands at zero. If you were amused for one moment by this article, please observe a microsecond's silence for this tragedy.

Dhak Dhak NO!

Dear Hero Honda,
I'm writing this letter because as a part of the market section that you're trying to target, I'd like to make a suggestion.
FIRE EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN YOUR MARKETING TEAM.
No? Again? Okay.
FIRE EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN YOUR MARKETING TEAM.

What was your HR team thinking when they employed the marketing team?

Please answer a few questions for my satisfaction:
1. Why did you name an otherwise okay bike 'HUNK'
2. What makes you think men want to ride a hunk?
3. Does a rider on a hunk really turn into a bison at will?
4. Does Hrithik Roshan's Karizma really have a nitrous oxide system?
5. What made you think a red bike with checks on it looks cool?
6. Did you actually think before you agreed to make a PINK Passion?
7. Did you actually even think before naming a bike Passion? Or pleasure?
8. Does anyone of the Next Generation really ride a Splendor NXG?
9. Does anyone ride a Splendor NXG?
10. Does the 'new' CBZ extreme have anything different from the old one other than red rear wheel rims?
11. How does the new CBZ extreme spin about two axes in one jump?

Enough? Really, you people ought to be banned for the mental trauma your rubbish adverts cause to billions of innocent people. On another note, the people at TVS who dreamed of 'jab angoothe se kaam chale to laath kyon maarna?' for the self started TVS Star are snickering at you about now. You should be ashamed.

For the lucky uninitiated, here you go:
http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=i0ZhYYSrf_8

A town of many Tales

It's a friday night - and I receive a call from Abba (known in certain circles as the holy baba). He tells me that we should go for a biking trip the next morning. I'm a biking enthusiast myself, so it wasn't long before I said yes - with one caveat - no pillion riders. When you want to just have a flat out blast on a bike, I just feel that the pillion gets in the way. After a little argument, he agreed.
Too bikers is two few (or is it two bikers is too few?), so we needed more people. The only other person with a bike is the fair Encke. We gave her a call, and a little while later she was on board.

Later that night, frantic plans were made. 'We should go to the Talegaon MIDC area,' I said. It is a beautiful place. Then on the spur of the moment, we decided that it would, in fact, be Lonavla that we went to. All fixed up, we were to meet the next day at 7:30.

Trust Abba to be late. To add more chaos to the mix, Encke turned up at 7:10 and called the two of us. I got to the rendezvous point around 7:30, and Abba at 7:50. We're finally set! Off we went then, riding out. We'd go through Khadki, then Pimpri and Chinchwad before we hit the open highway. About 50-60 km from there would get us to Lonavla. Of course, there are traps in the best laid plans. Abba's Enfield developed a front tyre puncture in Khadki, and to worsen matters, the mechanic broke an axle clamp while fitting back the fixed tyre. Game over for Abba. Crucially, it had cost us more than an hour.

Abba vehemently insisted that we go on. I wasn't too sure, and left it to Encke to decide. She said, 'We've come this far, we might as well finish the trip.' We decided to drop the idea of Lonavla and go instead, to our original destination, Talegaon - the town of many tales (geddit?). Leaving Khadki at 9:45 (we had expected to be eating chocolate fudge in Lonavla by this time) we had a stonker of ride, covering 30 odd km in nearly as many minutes.

Once out of the twin townships of Pimpri and Chinchwad, the highway is open, empty and fantastic. For a stretch of about 5-6km, we were doing speeds in excess of 100kmph. Once in the MIDC area, the photographers in Encke and me took over. A few beautiful flowers were snapped, the panaroma featured in some of our photos too. There were a few pics of Encke and a few of me, a few of us both. Take a look at the pics we took, or head over here to see all of 'em in a better res.

The journey back home was good as well. I even took a turn at what could be called an outrageous lean (on a public road of course. On a racetrack, that very lean would be outrageous, for different reasons!) of 25-30 degrees to the road! Encke was a little more circumspect at that lean. We hit over 100kmph again in a couple of spots and made it back to Pune in about an hour's time. Tremendous fun! Will certainly do again!

The link to the pics again - if you missed it

Helmets

I've been wondering why people in our country so dislike wearing helmets while riding two wheeled vehicles. So I decided I should list the benefits of not wearing helmets - as compared to the benefit of wearing one. Here we go -

The benefits of not wearing a helmet:
1. You can spit on the road (That is of course, much more important than safety)
2. You can show off your 'skills' and try to impress people (Really! What's the use of being safe? Much better to be cool!)
3. You won't lose hair (Imaginary studies conducted by idiots conclusively prove that 98.671045% of all people who regularly use helmets lose all their hair after an average 6.43 minutes of helmet wear. Why take a risk with your hair? The hair is more important than the head!)
4. You can feel the wind rush through your hair. (Even if you run the risk of tasting asphalt once in a while, it's bloody well worth it!)
5. You won't run the risk of getting neck aches (Other imaginary studies state the 143% of helmet users suffer from chronic neck pain that makes them look like dead people from Zee Horror Show. Better to live short without neck ache, than live long with the hypothetical pain!)
6. You can give people horrid looks, and make your insults and abuses very clear (You can't really do that effectively from the confines of a helmet. Without a helmet, you can express yourself better.)
7. You don't have to tire yourself carrying the helmet around (More imaginary studies show that the stress felt by your hand carrying the helmet is about 4,692,120 times more than the stress your head will feel if it hits the ground in a biking accident.)
8. You save money! (So what if you might have to spend much more on medical treatments?)
9. You don't feel hot under the helmet (This one is the absolute truth. Obviously, direct exposure to sunlight keeps your head cooler than being shielded by an inch and a half of insulating material.)
10. You can hear things on the road better (And that matters. If you don't notice people, how will you go about yelling at them and making faces?)

The benefits of wearing a helmet:
There's just one, primary benefit - you remain a lot safer with the helmet on, than without it. (Safety? THAT'S FOR LOSERS! Real men/women aren't gutless worms who need helmets protecting them!)

So as you can see, the benefits of not wearing a helmet outnumber the advantages of wearing one 10:1. No wonder. I always knew that most of my countrymen had done the maths had opted for the more 'sensible' choice!