To be loved

I don't mean romantic love. I mean respect, adulation, adoration, awe. It is the reason why I feel working in an office all day long is tiring. It is not fulfilling. Humans crave all of the emotions I just mentioned. This post has been in my head since the Brazilian Grand Prix (Formula 1) of 2008. The last race of the year. Felipe Massa - a Brazilian in a Ferrari was in with a chance to win the drivers world championship. It was a moving sight, even on TV, to see the crowd in the stands. I cannot imagine any experience in life better than to perform in front of such a large crowd that overwhelmingly supports you. That race had to be seen to be believed. The fan reaction when he crossed the finish line, the drivers champion if the order at that moment held. The deafening silence when the order changed and he lost the drivers championship by a single point. It's hard to describe.

I attended a metal concert a couple of months ago. Ensiferum, at IIT Bombay. I doubt more than 5% of the crowd knew what the band were singing or even who they were. I didn't. But they were fantastic. So much so that I (and if you know me, you'll see how this is a little surprising) landed up in the mosh pit. Took me on another thought voyage. Can you imagine what it would be like to be the band in this case? To have a huge crowd in your grasp, to see that people were having the time of their lives because of you? What would it feel like?

It's not only a showman who can feel this though. Even the lowly engineer can. If he is in the right place that is. (The author apologises for delving deep into graphics processing unit folklore) In the first half of 2008, ATI, the graphics arm of Advanced Micro Devices, came out with the Radeon 4800 series of graphic cards. This series, in way that cannot be comprehended fully, changed the computer graphics industry forever. For so many years, ATI and Nvidia tried to play better (metaphorically). In 2008, ATI stopped trying to play better. It changed the rules. The 4800 series captured the imagination of everyone who cared for this industry. A couple of months later, I came across an article on Anandtech, describing what went into creating the 4800 series. The design team took gambles, audacious gambles, and it all paid off. The comments to that article are relevant to this post. It was a public outpouring of admiration for the folks at ATI.

During a similar time last year, I also saw The Dark Knight in theatres. The first day and the first show. The movie had been hyped to levels I had seldom seen. And it lived up to the hype. In fact, it exceeded the hype. Most of this was thanks to a certain Heath Ledger. I have never seen a movie receive a standing ovation at the end of a screening. That day I did. I'm sorry that the people associated with the film do not get a chance to see this reaction (I'm sure it happened many times over across the world).

Life isn't about how much money you earn. It isn't about how much success you have. It isn't about how many promotions you get. It isn't about how many cars or houses you have. It is about being loved. The love of a small group of people close to you, and the love of a large group of people across the world. I wish that life takes me along a path that will let me achieve my goal in life. Indeed, there is only one. To be loved.

Pub Culture

This post was intended to be written shortly after the SRS attacked women for visiting a pub and their declarations that 'Pub culture' was wrong etc. Sadly, with my internet connection being down, I was unable to publish it.

So to the topic at hand. Pubs. What are pubs? Pubs are establishments which are licensed to serve alcoholic beverages. The word Pub is an english (as in from England, not of the language (though it is)) word. Okay. So we have the non Indian connection right there. Other than that, between a (insert word here indicating place that serves desi) and a pub, I beg to ask, what is the difference? The only one I can come up with is that the desi (serving) establishment is more likely to be frequented by the sort of people who waste away their money on alcohol and beat their wives. So, dear SRS, if you think so much about 'Indian culture', why not target these places and the males that visit them. Surely, not taking care of your family and beating your wife is not Indian culture? Or is it allowed because it is quite likely that half your miserable mob does exactly that?

Really. What is wrong with 'Pub culture' ? I've been to a pub a couple of times. I don't drink, but a couple of friends do. The first time, I felt a little awkward. After that though, I've realised that I quite like the atmosphere of the (solitary) pub I have visited. There are no men/women indulging in obscene acts (as the SRS would have us believe). There are merely a bunch of people having fun with their friends. How is that a crime, Mr Muthalik? Surely, your idea of having fun with friends (i.e. beating up hapless women) is more wrong than ours is? There are a bunch of people singing along with the music in the pub. Is that a crime? I didn't know that it was wrong (or un-Indian) to sing songs, no matter how bad a singer you are. If it were, you've got your public enemy number 1 - Himes bhai. What else happens at a pub? People drink - or to put it more plainly, men and women drink alcoholic drinks. So? Why should that be any of your business? If people want to get drunk, that's their personal choice. If they behave in a manner that is inappropriate, that is between the police and these individuals. Where exactly do you come in to this?

Face it, Mr. Muthalik. You are Nothing. Never were anything. Never will be. Take your insignificance, accept it, and live your insignificant life alone.
GO AWAY.

I'm a mid 60s guy

These are words of Enthu. Uttered on the way back from Nasrapur. For a little background, Nasrapur is a village on NH4. We have an active Astronomy club, and we had decided to go to Nasrapur for a star party. Enthu and I went to the site a couple of days earlier to perform a recce of the site, to ensure it's good for our purposes.

We left Pune at 6:40 PM, and got there at around 8:30 PM. Most of that time was wasted in the city. Once we got out on to the highway, we were doing a comfortable average of over 60kmph, touching 85 odd occasionally.

On the way back, I offered to let Enthu ride. He tells me, "I'm not a big fan of speed... I'm a mid 60s guy. You're pretty confident on the bike- when you took that banked turn at 78, 'gote kapaalat geli hoti' for lack of a better phrase." I told him that the bike inspires such confidence.

A push of the starter and a minute later, the mid 60s guy is cruising along at 75kmph and taking banked turns at 80. And touching speeds around 90kmph.

We did in excess of 70kmph on the highway that night. That's a pretty impressive figure on Indian roads. And the rider was riding this particular bike for the first time.

Once we've stopped he tells me, "This bike is fantastic! It just feels so assured and planted to the road! I've ridden many bikes, and never felt confident enough to cross 60kmph for too long a time."

I agree. The Apache RTR is one of the finest pieces of engineering to come out of an Indian company. Too bad the seat is bad, and too bad the engine vibes a bit. But you can't have it all. I'd say the brilliant engineers at Hosur can take a bow.

You don't know what this means....

... until it happens to you.

@ At the other entity involved- no hard feelings, merely an observation.
Disclaimer: The image and alt text are copied exactly as is from xkcd.
(c) xkcd etc.

Dam it!

Many years from now, one rule will have been added to the book of unsaid biking rules - Never trust people with the initials ADB (I'm looking at you Abba). We had planned to go to Lonavla yesterday (on bikes obviously) - Abba, the fair Encke and me (Falconer being away). And then the unholy baba pulls out on saturday evening citing "fatigue", once again leaving Encke and me to do all the biking. Like I've said before, too is two few (err...?). Thanks to Abba, we had to drop the Lonavla plan (and had to imagine Falconer with an evil laugh saying 'there can be no chocolate fudge in Lonavla without me! moohahaha!'). Despite Abba's best efforts though, we did go for a ride Sunday morning. The journey was cut short only to Khadakwasla dam, seeing as only two people were going.
We were supposed to meet at Rajaram bridge at 07:15. I got a little late and reached there at 07:30. And there was nobody there (of course - nobody I know - DOH). So out of politeness, I wait for ten minutes for the fair Encke... nobody turns up. I finally called her in ten minutes time. The transcript:

*ring ring*
*cut*
me: (thought) She must almost be here - so the dropped call.
a minute later,
*ring ring*
Me: Hello
Encke (groggy): Uh hello... I just woke up...
Me (incredulous): Whaa?
Encke (still groggy): Uh yeah... I'm sorry... I'll be there in fifteen minutes
Me (still incredulous): Okay... see you in a bit
Ten minutes later, she's at the bridge
Encke (still a little groggy, but looking very cheerful): Hi!! I'm sorry- I got up late!
Me: Er okay...
Encke: You remember those gloves I bought...
Me: Yes...
Encke: They're both for the same hand!! I have to wear them one correct and one reversed!
Me: *speechless*

After we finally got going, it took us barely one half of an hour to get to the dam. She's been reservoir side, but not the dam side, so we decide to go dam side this time around (the third time for me). We came across this really weird place where there were chucks of wall lying around a large meadow... I kid you not!

She tells me to go stand close to one of the wall remnants for a pic,
Encke: Why don't you go stand close to that piece of wall, I'll take a pic
Me (tentative): It's all slushy and mucky there... I'm not too sure
Encke: Oh stop being a wimp. Just go.
Me: Ehehehe there's water there... not a very good idea...
Encke: Gah. Here, take the camera, I'll go.
Me (ungallantly stands aside): Okay.
Encke: It is rather slushy and mucky.
Me (I told you so tone coming to prominence) : And there's water - can't tell how deep it is...
Encke: Worse still- can't say what's in it!
She thankfully drops the idea.

We then walk about a bit more and find a dry approach to that wall remnant and another. She's a climber, I'm a guy who takes pics - guess what we did. She climbed the wall remnant and I took pics...

On the second wall remnant she climbs, she tells me,
Encke: Hey! this one's easy, you can climb this one...
Me (warily): Are you sure?
Encke: Yes!!

She gets down and then guides me up the wall remnant. She then climbs back up with a tripod. We then take a couple of cringeworthy pics *cringes*.

(The author would like to point out that this cringeworthy pic was taken at the same point that Encke was standing on in the previous pic)

We then went up a little further up - to NDA... Took a few pics there. A fun ride, like the first two to Khadakwasla were! And the next time, we ARE going to Lonavla Abba, with or without you.

Rest of the pics can be found here. I would've taken the credit for these pics (Encke took most of them) but then again, Encke's a comet. Comets are hot, glowing balls of fire (oh the melodrama!). Being struck by one isn't my idea of a good time. So yes- the credit for most of these (rather nice) photos goes to Encke. Like I said, the next stop is Lonavla.

How to use a bike on a date

Ahoy there! It's been a while eh? Well, back again to try and amuse you, I am.

So this article, is a collection of thoughts of things that you could do with a bike on a date. I'll be talking about how different bits of a bike can be used on a date. For the guys, take this with a heap of salt (the author's never tried any of this). For the girls, if you notice your guy following this post like a textbook on your date, you know what to do (or do you?). So here we go:

1. The headlamp [L]
It could help you get her attention before you're out on a date, but not much use on a date.

2. The horn [H]
You might need it when you go to pick her up. A nasty loud blaring horn (that sounds like a Punjab da trukkk oye!) will probably not go down very well, but if you've got a wimpy horn, you'll sound sound like a, well, wimp. Now you know.

3. Torque [T]
If you have a torquey engine, it's a nice tool that you can use. On the first few dates, use the torque to overtake the other jerk with the chick behind him. She (the one behind you :s) ought to be a little impressed. On later dates, open the throttle suddenly to have the bike leap forward. Likely to have her clutch at you as a knee-jerk reaction (Though it's pretty sad for a girl to be clutching at a jerk like you).

4. Engine roar [E]
I suppose it looks better if your engine roars more than it purrs.

5. The front brake [B]
Nothing, I repeat, nothing will bring two people closer on a date than a well disguised and hard brake (the verb brake, not the noun brake). For this, you need a strong front brake. Ought to work like a charm.

6. The size of the rear seat [S]
A small rear seat leads to obvious consequences... the less said (by this author) the better *cough* *cough*.

7. Riding gear [G]
No idea how this impresses the ladies. Jerks tend to believe that they look more macho without riding gear on. I tend to differ on that view. Your take really.

8. The grab rail [R]
If you have a nice big grab rail to hold on to, your girl will hold that. You have a bad grab rail to hold on to, the lady will hold on to you.

9. The shock absorbers [A]
Bad shocks will make the pillion clutch harder at whatever she's holding, so bad shocks + #8, the maths is simple.

Now that we have eight parameters, let's rate bikes on these points. Scores out of 70, converted to a score out of 10. Higher scores are good for the desperate guys, lower scores good for the ladies. I'll only be rating bikes that I have used.

The results:

So there you have it.
Ladies, you know you can trust a guy on a Unicorn. Guys, Pulsar 200 for the win!

Disclaimers:
1. The author has never tried any of this. (What did you think?)
2. Guys, if the girl has (unfortunately) read this post, best of luck on that date.

The author wishes to acknowledge that the probability of him going out tended to zero before this post was published. After publishing, the probability now stands at zero. If you were amused for one moment by this article, please observe a microsecond's silence for this tragedy.

Dhak Dhak NO!

Dear Hero Honda,
I'm writing this letter because as a part of the market section that you're trying to target, I'd like to make a suggestion.
FIRE EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN YOUR MARKETING TEAM.
No? Again? Okay.
FIRE EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN YOUR MARKETING TEAM.

What was your HR team thinking when they employed the marketing team?

Please answer a few questions for my satisfaction:
1. Why did you name an otherwise okay bike 'HUNK'
2. What makes you think men want to ride a hunk?
3. Does a rider on a hunk really turn into a bison at will?
4. Does Hrithik Roshan's Karizma really have a nitrous oxide system?
5. What made you think a red bike with checks on it looks cool?
6. Did you actually think before you agreed to make a PINK Passion?
7. Did you actually even think before naming a bike Passion? Or pleasure?
8. Does anyone of the Next Generation really ride a Splendor NXG?
9. Does anyone ride a Splendor NXG?
10. Does the 'new' CBZ extreme have anything different from the old one other than red rear wheel rims?
11. How does the new CBZ extreme spin about two axes in one jump?

Enough? Really, you people ought to be banned for the mental trauma your rubbish adverts cause to billions of innocent people. On another note, the people at TVS who dreamed of 'jab angoothe se kaam chale to laath kyon maarna?' for the self started TVS Star are snickering at you about now. You should be ashamed.

For the lucky uninitiated, here you go:
http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=i0ZhYYSrf_8