To be loved

I don't mean romantic love. I mean respect, adulation, adoration, awe. It is the reason why I feel working in an office all day long is tiring. It is not fulfilling. Humans crave all of the emotions I just mentioned. This post has been in my head since the Brazilian Grand Prix (Formula 1) of 2008. The last race of the year. Felipe Massa - a Brazilian in a Ferrari was in with a chance to win the drivers world championship. It was a moving sight, even on TV, to see the crowd in the stands. I cannot imagine any experience in life better than to perform in front of such a large crowd that overwhelmingly supports you. That race had to be seen to be believed. The fan reaction when he crossed the finish line, the drivers champion if the order at that moment held. The deafening silence when the order changed and he lost the drivers championship by a single point. It's hard to describe.

I attended a metal concert a couple of months ago. Ensiferum, at IIT Bombay. I doubt more than 5% of the crowd knew what the band were singing or even who they were. I didn't. But they were fantastic. So much so that I (and if you know me, you'll see how this is a little surprising) landed up in the mosh pit. Took me on another thought voyage. Can you imagine what it would be like to be the band in this case? To have a huge crowd in your grasp, to see that people were having the time of their lives because of you? What would it feel like?

It's not only a showman who can feel this though. Even the lowly engineer can. If he is in the right place that is. (The author apologises for delving deep into graphics processing unit folklore) In the first half of 2008, ATI, the graphics arm of Advanced Micro Devices, came out with the Radeon 4800 series of graphic cards. This series, in way that cannot be comprehended fully, changed the computer graphics industry forever. For so many years, ATI and Nvidia tried to play better (metaphorically). In 2008, ATI stopped trying to play better. It changed the rules. The 4800 series captured the imagination of everyone who cared for this industry. A couple of months later, I came across an article on Anandtech, describing what went into creating the 4800 series. The design team took gambles, audacious gambles, and it all paid off. The comments to that article are relevant to this post. It was a public outpouring of admiration for the folks at ATI.

During a similar time last year, I also saw The Dark Knight in theatres. The first day and the first show. The movie had been hyped to levels I had seldom seen. And it lived up to the hype. In fact, it exceeded the hype. Most of this was thanks to a certain Heath Ledger. I have never seen a movie receive a standing ovation at the end of a screening. That day I did. I'm sorry that the people associated with the film do not get a chance to see this reaction (I'm sure it happened many times over across the world).

Life isn't about how much money you earn. It isn't about how much success you have. It isn't about how many promotions you get. It isn't about how many cars or houses you have. It is about being loved. The love of a small group of people close to you, and the love of a large group of people across the world. I wish that life takes me along a path that will let me achieve my goal in life. Indeed, there is only one. To be loved.